Sex Tips & Advice

Surprising Ways Sex Toys Can Improve Your Sex Life

By: Guest Post (How To Use Sex Toys As A Couple)


how to use sex toys as a couple


Within each year the usage of vibrators and other sex toys is becoming more popular. Based on a sex study, conducted by one university back in 2009, 1 out of every 4 women reported using one during the last month. The same answer was asked from the men, where 1 out of every 10 men answered positively.


Another, more recent study predicted the global market for sex toys to rise to nearly $53 billion by the year of 2026. The market of sex toys is literally vibrating and in a positive trend.


The History of Sex Toys


how to use sex toys as a couple


Most people associate sex toys with the 70s, 80s, and beyond, but sex toys are quite old. Archeologists in China have dug up a rather ornate 2,000-year-old dildo. Similarilarly, archeologists in Greece have dug up similarly ornate dildos baked from bread. 


Modern vibrators were created by doctors to treat women, not of sexual desire but of an official disease called Women’s hysteria, that could somehow be relieved by the doctor massaging the woman’s clitoris. But doctors grew tired of manually doing this for so many women, and early vibrators were born.


By the 1920s, the Polar Bear Vibrator, a rather modern-looking vibrator with plastic finers, was a popular item to help women with not only their hysteria but their neck pains. And thousands were sold. 


In the 40s, vibrators such as the Hollywood Vibra Tone were being sold, and they had a new use. They were touted as spot reducers for losing weight. 


Also, around this time, the Oster Stim-U-Lax was being sold to barbers. This was a vibrating device attached to the hand. 


Of course, many women and men, too, found the Stim-U-Lax suitable for sexual pleasure. 


Finally, in the 1970s (1968 to be exact), Hitachi Sales Corporation developed the Hitachi Magic Wand. While disavowing that it was a sex toy, popular sex educators and television and movie scenes, touted the Hitachi as the Cadillac of Sex Vibrators. By the time 2013 rolled around, they were flying off the shelf. 


Sex toys weren’t only for women either. Although gay men have engaged in using dildos, butt plugs, and vibrators for decades, in 1998, an Los Angeles ex-cop developed and ultimately patented the Fleshlight, the first commercial substitute sex toy.


It took several years of hard work because he designed it in his garage with minimal financing, but today, Steve Shubin’s Fleshlight is perhaps the most expansive selling sex toy in the world for single men. See more:


Sex Toys and the Law 


Many feminists have pointed out, and perhaps rightly so, that the medical establishment has treated male orgasm and female orgasm differently. As far back as 200 years ago, the medical establishment had a definite interest in solving male sexual dysfunction. 


The reason was evident for men. For men to have children, they needed to have some orgasm. And so talismans and aphrodisiacs were used. By the time of the 1930s, testosterone was seen as the magic key, and experiments were used to supplement human testosterone with animal testosterone and, finally, artificial testosterone.


Later on, in 1996, Viagra, the first erectile dysfunction medicine, was patented.


Because females could get pregnant and bear children without ever having an orgasm, outside of the ridiculous diagnosis in the 1800s of female hysteria, there was no rationale for the medical establishment to produce any female orgasm pill. 


According to Web MD, the FDA has approved medicine for women who desires greater libido in the form of a drug called flibanserin, but the FDA only gave its approval in 2015.


In 2008 it was still illegal to sell sex toys in Mississipi, Texas, and Alabama, although the laws are rarely enforced. Those selling sex toys in many locals have to be very careful. They describe sex toys and personal vibrators and not concentrate on any sexual issues. 


Generally, they follow the Amazon approach, which is to describe the entire category as sexual wellness and personal toys and vibrators as novelties or adult toys and games. 


The Orgasm Gap 


female orgasm


So outside of exploring the bounds of pleasure, just as people attempt to climb the highest mountains or explore the most expansive seas, why the interest in vibrators, particularly for women?


As far back as Masters and Johson, the famed sex researchers who researched many aspects of sex in the late 50s and early 60s, one of the controversies about sex research, in general, was about women’s orgasms. 


As recently as 2009, it was reported by other sex researchers that about 10 percent of women never had an orgasm no matter what they did. And around 75 percent of women never had an orgasm through strictly sexual intercourse alone. Some form of manipulation of the clitoris, whether through fingers, tongues, or vibrators, was required.


It has been established as far back as 2005 by a professor of history, philosophical science, and biology Susan Lloyd that there is no evolutionary reason for women to have orgasms. Lloyd says, “It is perfectly normal not to have orgasms, and there were lots of women in evolutionary time who had no orgasms, and it had no impact on their fertility.”


On the other hand, 98 percent of men had orgasms through sexual intercourse. 


As a result, it’s very clear that while men can enjoy the sensations of vibrators, during couples sex play, for millions of women, the intense stimulation of a sex toy is necessary for many women to enjoy orgasm. 


For many men, for themselves, sex toys can add to stimulation and encourage quick erections. Still, as a couple, sex toys are primarily an additional stimulant for women to achieve orgasm.


Not that that is wrong. When women and men can be guaranteed to have an orgasm, pair bonding and intimacy increases among couples. 


How to Use Sex Toys as a Couple


Although there are no clear research numbers, couples who use sex toys seem to be divided into two categories. New users who are experimenting together and experienced couples are searching for the best possible couple experiences. 


In the case of the new users, perhaps as many as 90 percent of those couples, it is the woman who suggests sex toy use in the bedroom. They may never even admit to their partner that they masturbate with their fingers or use a vibrator on their own without their partner, but often innocently bring it up. 


They may say, for example, “I was talking to my friend Jill, and she told me how much better her and her husband’s sex life became when they added a vibrator to the bedroom. What do you think about that idea?”


Women are cautious about assigning blame to their partner for not satisfying them. 


As a result, many beginning couples start small. A slim, 4-inch vibrator is much less threatening to their partner than a foot-long Hitachi magic wand.Learn more about vibrators:


Also, many women are careful about showing their man how a vibrator can multiply his pleasure by gently stroking his scrotum or penis and asking, “how does that feel.” At this point, even if she’s secretly used a vibrator dozens of times, she may ask hand it to him and ask innocently, “I wonder how my friend’s husband uses it on her?”


Once the subject has been broached, and a sex toy introduced, gradually the couple will naturally go into more experimentation.


Bigger vibrators may show up in the bedroom. Her husband or partner may enjoy the prostate vibrations of a butt plug. Before you know it, the couple may be buying a sex swing or sex furniture. Soon there may be not one sex toy in your arsenal but a dozen. 


The future and your sex life are up to you. Go as slow or as fast as you feel comfortable with sex toys. And don’t worry about falling in love with a sex toy. It can’t give hugs, kisses, or say, “I love you.”


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