By Mistress Kay of DiskretAdultLife, February 11th, 2019
What’s a Sexual Bucket List?
You’ve heard of a “bucket list”, right? A Sexual Bucket List – which some people call a “Fuckit List” – is a bucket list of sexual activities that you want to do before you die. This list is designed to be a “catch-all” list of sexual activities you’d like to do before you die. This usually includes things that aren’t particularly feasible at the moment (maybe attending conference across the country when your budget is currently limited), but it usually doesn’t include things that aren’t within the realistic realm of human limitations (such as “have sex while flying with angel wings”). However, if you have a particular roleplay scenario in mind for your fantastical needs, you might consider adding the activity to your sexual bucket list if your roleplay idea will sufficiently count as “completed” for your brain. Obviously, a sexual bucket list is a pretty personal list, and you make all of the rules for it.
Unlike your standard “Bucket List”, this list is probably not shareable with your mother, and honestly, you may not even want to share it with your partner. A lot of people consider their “Sexual Bucket List” to be really private, and whether you choose to share that list with anyone is up to you.
How Do I Make a Sexual Bucket List?
“Making” your sexual bucket list is honestly as easy as just simple as brainstorming hot stuff you want to do and then writing it down. Ta-da! Sexual bucket list complete! Like we’ve mentioned before, your sex bucket list is entirely personal to you, and you should use whatever rules and regulations you want for yourself, but having some basic limitations in mind might help you limit your list down to a manageable size. Again, if you want your sex bucket list to include 300 things, have at it! But you might find it more manageable to actually complete your sex bucket list ideas if it’s easy to read through them all in a single-sitting without your eyes glazing over.
So with that in mind, here are some simple guidelines you might use to help you make your best sexual bucket list possible. Feel free to use them – or don’t. Like we said, your sex bucket list is all up to you!
Make a Sexual Bucket List: Step 1:
Write Down Everything You Want to Do – Fantasy or Otherwise: First, we’re going to do a big brain dump. Write down everything you’d like to experience onto a piece of paper. Absolutely everything. It can be things you’ve just seen in porn, things you’ve fantasized about, things you’ve heard about and want to try, and anything else you can think of. This is our first step in crafting our sex bucket list, and it’s important that you list absolutely everything that comes to mind. We can narrow down this list later on, but to start, you want a full list to start from. Add anything you can think of.
In fact, you might even want to do this process over a couple of weeks. Watch some of your favorite videos, read some of your favorite stories, and indulge in some of your favorite fantasies for inspiration. This doesn’t need to be an exhaustive list, but it helps if you have a good, large place to start from.
Make a Sexual Bucket List: Step 2:
Cross Off Things That Are Impossible: Now that you’ve made your list, it might be easiest to start with crossing off anything that’s outside of the realm of realistic possibility. You might love the idea of having an orgasm every minute for hours – and that idea might get you off – but realistically, it’s impossible for most people. Crossing things off your sexual bucket list that aren’t physically possible for you is a good place to start.
Make a Sexual Bucket List: Step 3:
Cross Off Things That Go Beyond Your Reasonable Risk Tolerance: Having a sexual bucket list is all about going outside your usual sexual comfort levels to try new things. However, there’s “going beyond your current comfort level” and there’s “going beyond risk tolerance”. In kink, there’s something called a “risk profile”. It’s the idea that most things you undertake in kink will have some sort of risk – and you have to decide how much risk is worth the fun for you. Maybe something is so risky that the fun it could provide would pale in comparison to the possible danger.
And that’s what we’re looking for here. Sure, having sex in the middle of your city’s main street might be a really hot fantasy, but in reality, it comes with a lot of risks – including being arrested, being fired from your job, having your family see you have sex, and a lot of other things. It’d definitely be outside of your usual comfort zone, but it might be so far outside of your “risk tolerance” that it’s not something you’d ever do. The point of the sexual bucket list is to include activities that you’d actually want to do – and be able to do.
So this step is all about eliminating those things that fall outside of your risk profile. If it sounds hot as hell, but you know that you’d never do it because it’d be higher risk than you’d ever accept, you can cross it off of your sex bucket list. There’s nothing wrong with continuing to fantasize about it, but not all of our fantasies have to become a part of our realistic sex lives.
Make a Sexual Bucket List: Step 4:
List Things in Order of Desire: Now that you’ve narrowed down your list a bit, you might consider listing your new sexual bucket list in order of desire. Is there something you really, really want to do – maybe even this year? Is there something you’d probably want to experience once – but it’s more out of a general curiosity than sexual arousal? Consider listening your new sexual bucket list in order of how much you want to do each individual item. This will make it easier to glance down your list and have a general idea of where you’d like to put the most effort.
Make a Sexual Bucket List: Step 5:
Reference It Often: Now that you’ve made your sexual bucket list, the most important step is to reference it often. If you make your list and then leave it in a dark drawer for years at a time, it’s not doing you any good. Part of having any type of “bucket list” is referencing it semi-often and making steps in your life to make those “dreams” into a reality. If you just make your sexual bucket list and never view it again, it won’t help you make those fantasies come true. Try to make it a point to come back to your list, regularly look it over, and try to figure out how you could make some of those fantasies come true.
How Should I Store my Sexual Bucket List?
Surprisingly enough, this is a pretty common question. For their non-sexual bucket lists, some people choose to store them on Facebook or other public social networks for easy reference – and to get virtual praise every time they check something off of their bucket list. In fact, tons of bucket list apps exist on every mobile platform imaginable! Turns out, a lot of people like planning for their future adventures.
That being said, all of those methods might not be suitable for your sex bucket list. Like we’ve previously mentioned, you may not want grandma to give you a high five when she reads that you enjoyed your first orgy. You also may not want your current employer (or future one!) seeing how far you’ve made it on your “sex in public” sexual bucket list. As such, having privacy – and only sharing what you want to – is pretty vital for most people in a sex bucket list.
It’s hard to go wrong with writing your list down on a standard piece of paper. Boring, for sure, but it will always be as secure as you choose to store it. Store this piece of paper within a lock box, and you’re pretty guaranteed that all of that information will stay private.
Some people choose to take the risk of public exposure in order to pursue other methods. You might consider posting your sexual bucket list on an adult social network like Fetlife. If you’re hoping to enjoy discussing your sexual bucket list with friends, you might also consider using a secure messaging platform to message your trusted friends about your new venture. While they won’t have an easy access to viewing your sex bucket list at any time, you can always resend it to them, and you can always discuss your current progress on your current goals.
Should We Make a Shared Sexual Bucket List?
You have a partner (or more than one!), and you have an active sex life. Now that you’ve read about the sexual bucket list, you’re thinking about wanting to make one with your partner. After all, they’re the person you’re having sex with, right? So it makes sense to make a list with them.
Yes and no. First off, making a specific sexual bucket list with your partner can be a fun and sexy activity to do. Not only do the two of you get to brainstorm hot, sexual things that you want to do together, but you can quickly find out some interesting things about your partner. You might find a hidden kink of theirs that you want to explore – or you might just find out that some of your group sex fantasies are looking pretty similar. Just making the list itself can lead the two of you to want to hop straight into bed afterwards! That sounds like a fun couple’s activity to me!
Not only that, but once you have your “sexual bucket list” for the two of you, you effectively have a list of sexy things the two of you want to do. You can always pull out the list, browse it, and brainstorm a way to check something off of the list. In addition to being fun foreplay (again!), this can get you both thinking about fun ways to regularly keep your sex life active and adventurous. As many a long-term couple can attest, sex can start to feel formulaic and “standard” if the two of you don’t make an effort to regularly go outside of your usual habits. Your sexual bucket list can be a fantastic way to do that without requiring a large amount of sexual inspiration upfront. The list is already there for you to choose from!
Don’t Forget Solo!
But in your effort to make a “Group” sexual bucket list, don’t forget about your own individual wants. As the two of you negotiate what activities the two of you would like to enjoy together, it can be easy to let your own “wants” slip away. After all, that’s part of negotiation. You give some, and you take some.
For that reason, even if you’re making a sexual bucket list with your partner, don’t forget about making a solo sexual bucket list for yourself. As we mentioned before, the point of a sexual bucket list is to list all of the things you’d want to do. It doesn’t need to be realistic to this particular point in time, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with making it to old age without doing everything on your list. The idea is to write down a list of things that, if you had your way throughout your life, you’d get to do those things. Don’t let your compromise over your coupled sex bucket list reduce your own wants. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something your partner isn’t into. Maybe the two of you will negotiate it in the future to check it off your list – or maybe you’ll find another outlet for it.
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