Shibari!

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By: Lee & Jessica Of DiskretAdultLife

shibari bondage rope

Sure, everyone has heard of light bondage…

Over 80% of American couples have even said they’ve dabbled in it.

But what if I told you “light bondage” is only scratching the surface of what is really out there.

What if I told you “light bondage” can be awkward, intimidating, and even painful if not done properly (many of you are shaking your head up and down as you know exactly what I’m talking about).

A bit a practice and education can take bondage from awkward to an “out of body” experience of pleasure and euphoria for both of you.

My goal is to educate you on light bondage first, but then dive deep into the world of Shibari and the most extreme forms of rope bondage.

Shibari, rigger, rope bunny, kinbaku…

What the heck are we talking about?

“Were talking about using bindings to help with your bonding”

A sense and feeling of closeness to your partner like never before!

I’m talking about building the anticipation with each and every knot tied, leading to the most mind-blowing sensual experience of your life…

But let’s back it up a minute, we need to walk before we run. Here is the last guide you’ll ever need to rope bondage and shibari:

Light Bondage:

When I say “light bondage” the first thing that comes to mind is an amateur couple who saw 50 shades of grey and though that looks hot let’s give it a go!

To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I love the fact couples can watch a sexy movie like that and are willing to try something new!

Everyone needs to start somewhere, and while you might not be a Kinbaku rope master… So what, you’re pushing the limits and having fun with it!

Sometimes the word “bondage” gets confused with metal handcuffs, chains, and leather straps. But you don’t need to go this hardcore. Shabari and rope tying can come after a lot of “light bondage” sessions.

Light bondage is more up the alley of loosely binding the wrists with a scarf, tie, or stocking. Using things like a blindfold and feather to tease and heighten the sensation.

How Do I Initiate Light Bondage?

light rope bondage

If you both have mutual consent, trust, communication and a desire to expand your sexual boundaries; this will be a walk in the park!

The next time you’re fooling around, roll your partner on their back and straddle them. Raise their arms over their head and bound their hands. Then… Have your way with them.

Building the anticipation is key here. Lick, caress, kiss, and massage your way up and down their body. Dominating can be intoxicating, but surrender is sweet.

If you both enjoy the experience and looking to ramp up the heat, start using additional accessories like a blindfold, feather, pinwheel, whip, or sex toy (find here).

You can also start dabbling in new rope positions such as tying their hands and their feet, or their hands behind their back.

Remember, the pleasure is in the journey, not just in the penetration although it often leads to this…

If you both really enjoy the light bondage; the actual act of tying and being tied… you should consider trying Shibari or Kinbaku.

What is Kinbaku?

In the theme of Japanese sayings: “To understand Shibari, you must first understand Kinbaku. “

Think Macro vs. Micro.

Some also think of it as  Authentic Japanese Vs. Western Culture.

Kinbaku means “tight binding” and Kinbaku-bi means “the beauty of tight binding”.

Kinbaku is a Japanese style of bondage which involves tying a person using a simple yet visually appealing pattern using a series of rope knots. This is typically done with a thin piece of rope in a symmetrical pattern throughout.

Kinbaku bondage started as a sexual activity in Japan around the early 1600’s. But tying someone up to have sex with them is not exactly what it’s all about…

The aesthetics of the binding are extremely important, and the journey of tying or being tied is just as important as the sexual aspect. These bindings are distinguished by it’s use of specific form and rules.

For example; most Kinbaku bondage is asymmetric and often intentionally uncomfortable positions are employed on the person being tied.

The person being tied is usually naked leading to heavy sexual reference. It can often lead to sexual activities during or after being tied, but is certainly not the sole focus.  

There are a lot of different views between what exactly Shibari is vs. what Kinbaku is.

But without getting to involved; most think of Kinbaku as an artistic, connective, sensual, and sexual practice as a whole. It is a term for artistic or erotic tying within traditional Japanese rope bondage circles.

What is Shibari?  

On the flip side of Kinbaku, most think Shibari strictly refers to artistic, aesthetic rope bondage, without the focus on sexual activities.

It’s also been said that Shibari is a Western misuse of Japanese vocabulary. The word denotes “tying” in a generic way not in the specific context of bondage.

However, now-a-day Kinbaku and Shibari are virtually interchangeable. Both are extremely common among the tight knit communities that tie (you see what I did there?).

I can even say, in Japan, they use Shibari very frequently without looking upon it as a negative term developed by Western society.

So, in the end people have their theory on the difference, but “potato or patato”. They both refer to very technical rope bondage with some sensual focus.

They heavily emphasize the journey over the destination.

Shibari attracts a lot of BDSM players who want to take their bondage experience to the next level.

The Shibari Bondage Technique:

Shibari is based on a specific rope patterns, many were derived from Hojojutsu, but modified to be made safe.

Hojojutsu were Japanese ties that were deliberately designed to cause a prisoner harm; hence why they had to be modified for erotic bondage!

The basis of most Shibari ties stem from a type of box ties which surrounds the chest and arms.

There are many different Shibari patterns I will touch on later. But from a technique standpoint, you really need to think about what you and your partner want out of the experience.

Do you want to just feel bound up, or do you want to feel pain, get comforted while tied (like having your back/arms/hands rubbed) or whatever else. Talk about it and have a game plan of ties going into your first session.

Don’t forget the teasing, dirty talk, foreplay, denial play, and edging to go with it all. Remember if you want it to be a more sexual experience to build this anticipation throughout the entire session.

The options are endless, so be creative, fun, and above all safe!

Rope Bunny Vs. Rigger BDSM:

Throughout the BDSM community the individual being tied and the one doing the tying have been given the terms Rope Bunny and Rigger.

Here is what you need to know about each:

Bondage Rigger:

 

A bondage rigger can be a person of any gender who practices the art of tying bondage, although often pictured the male, lots of women participate as the rigger too!

There are a lot of different reasons one becomes a bondage rigger. It could be as a form of art, BDSM play, personal enjoyment, or a profit enterprise for teaching others.

The bondage rigger doesn’t always have to tie a person up. They can tie themselves up in a form called self-rigging or self-suspension.

The rigger term itself comes from sailing, when it was applied to the person who was responsible for the ropes that controlled the sails. (well that makes more sense now!)

Rope Bunny:

rope bunny, shabari

On the flip side of the BDSM rigger, you have the rope bunny.

The rope bunny is someone who is tied up with rope by another individual. Rope bunny can also be referred to as the model who is tied up to demonstrate the shibari techniques and knots.

Some individuals in the BDSM and kink community see the term “rope bunny” as a name towards a victim, instead of an active participant in the tying. So a more neutral term “rope bottom” is also used.

Most rope bunny’s really enjoy the power exchange that comes with being tied up. They are helpless, controlled, and restrained. This can be a big turn on for those who on the flip side are controlling or have more powerful roles on a day-to-day basis.

The tight sensation and look of the rope wrapped around their skin is very sensual in nature. There is a degree of risk when being a rope bunny though. Make sure you read about the correct safety procedures below and only work with riggers you trust.

My First Rope Bondage Experience?

 

There is a long lists of reasons people practice, participate, and love shibari. But first, I need to tell my personal story, perhaps you can relate.

When I first met my boyfriend, he had practiced shibari for some time. He enjoyed both rigging and being tied. I was always skeptical but let him practice with others and continue to do what he loved.

I wasn’t going to ruin something he enjoyed even if I wasn’t immediately ready to immerse myself into that world. Light bondage sure, but being tied for an hour… I was skeptical I could receive much pleasure form that.

After about a year of being heavily involved in the bdsm community due to my business “Diskret” and my boyfriend who tied; my curiosity got the best of me. I decided to give Shibari a shot!

I’m a bit of a control freak, my boyfriend knew that, so it was not easy for me to overcome my fear of being tied, restricted, and not being able to move.

My boyfriend helped ease my mind and started slow. Just one arm, then one leg. It was okay, nothing to special in my mind. I was just proud I didn’t freak out.

I finally agreed to a full tie session. Head to toe, immerse myself in the rope and give it a go.

I figured I would freak out, be super bored, or love it and finally understand why so many others do too.

So, when we were at a kink party one night, I decided to let him tie me in front of others for a show. He was super surprised, and also extremely excited. I could tell by the look on his face he was questioning if I was sure I wanted to do this…

I assured him I was ready and went over to the mattress where he began to slowly tie me. Something about the atmosphere, the darkness, the people watching, the comfort and confidence I had in my boyfriend…

I was out like a light! I seriously do not remember much…

He was halfway up my leg and arm and I floated away off in my own world. On a cloud, like the “out of body” experiences you see in movies. I don’t have anything to really compare it too… But I can imagine it would be like a very powerful psychedelic drug.

I didn’t freak out, I wasn’t bored, I was extremely calm actually.

I loved the feeling of the rope slowly wrapping my body, I remember others at the party talking, and can slightly remember him checking in with me. Making sure I was okay, although I cant remember my exact responses.

For a while the only things I could get out of my mouth were small moans. Time drifted away, and when I was finally untied, I sat up mind-less like I was on the ultimate “rope high”.

I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t grab my drink, my boyfriend caressed my shoulders as I relaxed and came down from my rope bondage high. It took hours for me to become completely coherent again.

I know how strange and absurd this sounds now. But those who have tied and been rope bunnys for a long time know exactly what I am talking about.

Not everyone experiences this rope high on there first try. I get that I was lucky. I contribute it to a few factors:

I am a control freak and seldom let go of all control like this. I trusted my boyfriend to tie since I’ve seen him do it so many times, and I was also joining a community I understood and grew to love.

I quickly understood why so many men and women love Shibari bondage!

Shabari is passion, lust, erotic, and a form of deep meditation.

I want to be tied! What Do I Do?

So, you want to be a rope bunny ehh?

Great! Well you’re not alone. The shibari bondage community is growing big and its really not that difficult with mainstream media to find others with the same interest, passion, and love for rope bondage.

This makes finding a qualified rigger easier than 10 years ago when it was just an underground community.

Rope Bondage:

When practicing shibari you really need to focus on a few things. The pleasure, yes of course, but your safety is always the number one priority.

If you’re being tied, your well-being is placed in the hands of your rigger. It is imperative they know what they are doing.

If done improperly they can cut of blood circulation to any limb of the body.

Shibari Safety

The most important thing when practicing Shibari is communication. The rigger should check in with his subject being tied. How frequently that needs to occur is really based on the experience level and comfortability of both the rope bunny and BDSM rigger.

At a minimum they should check in after each major knot that is tied.

A good rigger will ask how you feel and what sensations are you feeling throughout. The rigger should know what knots apply pressure to specific nerves and understand the sensations associated with compression on them.

Scissors:

It’s always a good idea to keep a heavy duty pair of medical grade scissors nearby. In case of an emergency the rigger can quickly cut the knots away.

Safe word:

You should also have a safe word. Some BDSM and kink couples say “stop” but really want to keep going; It’s a form of dominance play. If that’s the case, make sure you have a random safe word that means stop immediately.

Stretch & Hydrate:

I can tell you from personal experience, I’ve had to pull the trigger on safe words when cramping during a Shibari session. It can be so hot and sexy, yet nothing kills the buzz quicker than a bad cramp in the leg or arm that you can’t stretch due to being tied up.

The pain can be intense on these cramps, and I might even have the rigger cut the ropes away depending on how bad it is.

The best way to prevent cramping during your next kinbaku session? Make sure to drink water and stretch plenty. It’s a good idea to start drinking extra water the day before. It’s also a buzz kill and hard to focus if you have to pee after being tied up! So, slim back on the water an hour or two before your session.

Food:

For some, it’s all about being comfortable when the rope bunny. Make sure you have a decent meal in you and hydrate.

If you get hungry halfway through, well that’s just to bad! It then becomes hard to focus and relax. Not a big deal on quick ties, but if you plan to be tied for a few hours, don’t forget a snack ahead of time!

What rope ties should I learn?

shibari, kinbaku

I always say a blog or book is not the best place to learn the exact Shibari rope ties. While you can get a good understanding of what Kinbaku is, how it is performed, and why it is performed.

The exact ties are best learned from a rigging master, videos, and tutorials (will link you to the best at the end).

Here is a list you can ask a rigging master about or research on your own to get you started:

  • Single wrist binding
  • Both wrists binding
  • Handcuff binding
  • Prisoner handcuff binding
  • Hands behind the back binding
  • High hands behind the back binding
  • Hands behind the head tie
  • Tasuki (kimono string) tied
  • Crotch rope tie
  • Turtle (diamond pattern) binding
  • Upright standing binding
  • Cross-legged binding
  • Shrimp binding
  • Reverse shrimp binding
  • Standing partial suspension
  • One foot lifted partial suspension
  • Hanging letter M, open leg binding
  • Reverse hanging shrimp binding
  • Reverse prayer hands
  • Arms bound in front
  • Legs bound together
  • Rifle tie
  • Futomomo -Leg, calf to thigh
  • High Hands on Front Tie

How Do I Find A Master BDSM Rigger?

 

If you want to learn from a master BDSM or get tied by one, where do you look?

It’s not like you can head to your local grocery store and start asking people “hey, are you a BDSM master rigger by chance”?

Can you imagine the looks… haha!

But have no fear, social media is here! Today with the online communities its really not as hard as you’d think to find the Shibari community.

Hell one #kinbaku on Instagram gives me 60,000 images.

So, if your looking for a Shibari master check out places like this:

  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Fetlife
  • Reddit (sub categories)
  • Kink Parties
  • Kink Expos
  • Sex Toy Expos
  • Porn Expos
  • Maybe even your local grocery store? 😉

I want to try Shibari & Kinbaku. What Do I need?

You need a rigger and a rope bunny, some shibari rope, and additional sex toys if you so desire. You should also have medical grade scissors and a safe word for safety.

But most importantly you’ll need a good quality rope. Even with a high-quality rope, if you’re a beginner I suggest staying away from “crotch ties”. Leave these to once you gain more experience, crotch ties can be extremely uncomfortable unless tied right. Also, without the proper rope they can be horrible. Make sure it is made from silk for hemp to help avoid itching, burning sensations.

Best Shibari Rope:

shibari rope

Here is my favorite Shibari rope. It comes in 5 meter long or 10 meter long natural pure hemp rope. You can also get it in a softer silky-smooth black rope. They have metal tips to prevent them from unwinding and are perfect for erotic bondage.

BDSM Handcuffs:

sex handcuffs

If you want some BDSM play without the knot tying, the best option would be bondage handcuffs. They are a quick and easy way to hold your partners hands above their head, behind their back, or to an object like a bedpost. I prefer using leather ones, they are usually more comfortable, and feel less like a criminal during use. Check these BDSM handcuffs out if you’re interested.

Silk Bondage Rope:

silky bondage ropes

Here is my favorite silk bondage rope. It is 72” long and made from pure silky-smooth polyester. It has a little more stretch and give to it than natural hemp rope. It’s a sexy dark grey color and will keep your partner comfortable for those long tying sessions.

Silicone Bondage ties:

silicone rope

Buttery smooth silicone that stretches over your wrists and ankles… Perfectly conforming to every contour of you body. These silicone bondage ties are a very unique way to tie someone up. They are different and take some getting used to. They don’t lay perfectly flat, and can pinch your arm/leg hair a bit if not laid proper. But believe me, they are incredible once you get the hang of. I love you still have some flex. You’re not locked 100% only 95% so you can still twist and contort if you need to find a more comfortable position. Here is a great article on them if you need more info!

Shibari Accessories:

sex pinwheel

With any Shibari experience, you want to keep the rope bunny entertained. This can be difficult unless you’re a rigger who constantly is contorting and moving the rope bunny to his set positions.

One great way to keep them intrigued, turned-on, and forever fantasying is with accessories.

Try some of these accessories during your next light bondage, erotic bondage, or shibari experience to keep thing mysterious and pleasurable!

You can use your imagination and quickly visualize how anyone of these shibari accessories could enhance the rope tie experience.

**Each shibari accessory is a link to a high quality product offered from Diskret.

How Do I Make Erotic Rope Bondage Even Better?                  

shibari,kinbaku,

While tying someone up is a lot of fun, make sure to keep the person being tied entertained too. Some rope bunnies enjoy the tying session to be more erotic in nature.

If you’re with a partner and plan to use the shibari as foreplay leading to penetrative sex; bring the accessories out to keep them turned on and craving more the entire time you’re tying them.

Building the anticipation and bringing them close to orgasm before stopping is one of the hottest ways to preform rope bondage. Have them “edge” multiple times before penetration even occurs!

You have so many different options to use on them during the bondage experience, but here are some you must try at least once!

One of the most common forms of stimulating a female rope bunny. Wand vibrators are extremely powerful and provide huge waves of clitoral stimulation. You can tie her in a fashion that the wand vibrator is automatically held against her body, or tie her hand holding it so she can apply the wand vibrator when she desires.

A common tie is wrapping the rope around her inner thigh and the wand, making the vibrating wand head to sit directly on her vagina and clitoris. This can make her orgasm hard while being restrained.

While I wont link to it because that’s totally NSFW, check out Owen Gray with a wand vibrator on PornHub. He knows how to use one with or without bondage 😉

Check out the 6 most powerful wand vibrators here.

Try inserting a butt plug into the bondage bunny before you start tying. This provides pleasure with each twisting on the legs or torso; which happens a lot throughout the tying process.

Get a vibrating butt plug and turn it on and off as you bring them closer and closer to the most powerful orgasm of their life… All while being tied and restrained.

The rigger can also use a butt plug. This will give them additional pleasure while they tie, and since it is hands free… Why not?

Find the best butt plugs here

Some women find sliding in ben-wa-balls before going to a dinner party sexy. Believe me, I find that sexy too… But if you want a similar sensation, slide ben-wa-balls into the female rope bunny before you start to tie her. She will be rolling, twisting, and turning with pleasure from the balls the entire time you tie her!

A female rigger can also slide these in before starting to tie since they are hands free. She can then do extraordinary sex dominant things later with them (such as have the rope bunny lick them).

Find high-quality Ben-Wa-Balls here

A cockring should always be in the arsenal of a male rigger. Is it common in Shibari or Kinbaku to use cockrings?

Not really…

But I’m not here to show you the most common way, I’m explaing the most pleasurable way. Using toys might be a slight twist off traditional shibari, but if the rope bunny and rigger are up for it…

It can add a huge boost in sexual sensation for both!

I prefer the male rigger wear a cockring when he starts to tie. As he gets turned on throughout the tie session, the constriction from the cockring will keep him hard. Making sure he is ready to thrust at any moment!

Find your ultimate guide on cockrings here.

Hot Octopuss

Finger vibrators are another great sex toy to use during your erotic bondage session. They are very slim and discreet. A non-intrusive way to add huge waves of pleasure, particularly for her.

These small vibrators slip over your fingertips and apply huge penetrating vibes to whatever you touch!

A male rigger can wear these to use on his female bunny, or the female rope bunny can use them on herself while being tied. Keeping her well occupied and turned on during the shibari.

Want the perfect teasing sensation?

Let the female rope bunny use the finger vibrator on herself. As she nears orgasm, tie her hand up; just out of reach from caressing her clit!

Check out the best finger vibrators for this here!

Shibari tutorials:

Here are some tutorials for rope tying. Sometimes the visualization from these experts really help you understand the knots and movements.

I learned from a school: You can check out here

You even get a “certification” when you graduate. I wouldn’t say it makes you an expert, only experience can do that, but free or paid schooling will both get you off to a great start.

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