This is Femdom!

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By Lee & Jessi, Owners of DiskretAdultLife,

Maybe you’ve heard whispers of femdom, maybe you have partaken in it. But there is no denying the popularity in femdom as it grows throughout the U.S. This blog will become your introduction and ultimate guide to femdom.

We will explain what femdom is, who partakes in it, and all the juicy details to give it a shot for yourself. If by the end of this article femdom doesn’t peak your interest, or get your heart pumping, you should get your pulse checked.

sex handcuffs

Femdom is not for everyone, and that’s okay. But no matter who you are, you should know it exists and if done in a safe manor can bring extreme pleasure to any couple. Just remember with any acts of dominance communication between you and your partner needs to come first. Have your “safe word” if you must, but sometimes a simple “That’s to rough” can get the point across quickly and then move on to the next thing.

What is Femdom?

Femdom is short for female dominance. It can sound scary to some at first and initial reactions might be a total turn-off, however I assure you femdom can be quite the opposite. Even the most shy and bashful couples can partake in femdom. That’s because couples can experience it on all different levels which we will touch on later in this article.

Femdom is a relationship in which a female is the dominant partner or top partner. Femdoms throughout the industry have been called a number of different names including dominatrix, mistress, or madame.

Femdom is specific to BDSM, but any woman can give her partner a thrill by throwing on a corset and some black stilettos. However, female dominants often engage in BDSM activities like bondage, orgasm edge play, role play, chastity, forced orgasm, and impact play.

Like said earlier there are all different levels of female dominance out there and we highly recommend if never doing this before starting slow and working your way up at a comfortable rate.

Femdom for Beginners:

        I do not suggest for women who have never done femdom to walk in their house and start tying there man up with chains, whipping out a ball gag, and pulling out some whips… You get the idea, it starts with subtle simple things that are discussed with your partner ahead of time.

For women, try suggesting something to your partner about how this time in bed you want to be in control. Have your partner worship your body and kiss every inch of it. Remember if they misbehave to punish them with a little spank on the butt or a unique bondage position. Pull or tug your partners hair, tease him, tickle him, and make him beg for your pleasure. Bringing out the sex toys can always ramp up the femdom situation as well.

These are all great starting techniques to try before advancing. If you are happily satisfied with these… great! Nobody says you must go more extreme with femdom, and nobody said the more extreme you go the more pleasure you will receive. Some couples prefer to keep amping this up while other are perfectly satisfied with just a little femdom.

Whatever your situation might be, it never hurts to try something new and branch out into the femdom world. I am sure your man will be more intrigued than disgusted, especially if you are already using sex toys together. As it can be a smooth transition into something you both might find exciting.

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Femdom for Women:

Femdom is not always a male’s desire but many women aspire to dominate their man too. Along with some same-sex couples who enjoy power exchange too. That’s why femdom is so popular, most major cities have large and booming femdom industries.

Some women find dominating their partner fills voids in other aspects of there life. Say your low on the totem pole at work and want that release of bossing around or complete control of power. Femdom can get a great release both mentally and physically.

While other women who control majority of all aspects in their life and like having control over everything, may find femdom to be another avenue of pleasure; controlling their man in the bedroom. With his complete and total consent of course.

If you run into the case where a man laughs and says women simply can not be the dominate individual in the bedroom. It is best to walk away from these simple-minded bullies that try to put you down or make you feel less worthy. Of course, women can be dominate in all aspects of life so why not the bedroom?!

Femdom for Men:

          So why do men like femdom? Why do they enjoy being in complete compliance to their partners wishes and demands? I’ve done some research and surveying around this and feel it is though men really enjoy the exchange of power. We are all business during the day and kink play at night is a fun release. Men who are always running around having to make decisions all day like the ability to be completely submissive and let everything be out of there hands.

Most men dream of being bossed around in a sexual manner, I know this sounds odd, but it is a frequent thought amongst most average men. As a submissive guy participating in femdom you can’t have the mentality; nor should you that “men are superior beings who should make all the decisions in a relationship and be the all mighty”.

It also doesn’t mean that all men who participate in femdom are spineless weasel who has no say in anything. It is normally in-between these two extremes that you find an inner submissive guy who would get pleasure from some degree of femdom.

Why do Men enjoy Femdom?

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All submissive men participating in femdom do it for different reasons. Some of the men I’ve talked to enjoy being guided and prefer it over have this constant pressure of trying to sexually perform well. If you have your partner showing, guiding, and of course demanding you to do things, there is no pressure on yourself other than to be compliant.

Some submissive men who love femdom do it because they love pleasing their partner. It is fun and brings pleasure knowing you are making your partner happy fulfilling their every demand and desires.

Another reason submissive men enjoy femdom is it allows them to not have to be a power figure all the time. It might be a relief to be submissive and give into demands vs. having to make the decisions. A power position can get stressful and demanding in any relationship. The femdom allows roles to reverse and take that stress away from the submissive man.

Why do Women Enjoy Femdom?

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Women can enjoy femdom just as much as the man. Women, just let loose and enjoy yourself. Just because you saw a film of female dominatrix doesn’t mean you need to compare yourself to that. Take baby steps and work your way into it. Most female dominatrix films are extreme cases and you shouldn’t portray yourself as having to preform like them.

During femdom it is YOUR time to drive. Ask your partner to do whatever pleases you the most, and have them do lots of it. If they don’t feel comfortable make sure he communicates that to you. If he flat out says I don’t feel comfortable that should be an immediate sign to try something else or stop all together. Remember, communication is key. You can use a “safeword” but most femdom couples say that direct communication is best.

Femdom Ideas

So, what are some basic ideas to start dabbling in femdom with your partner? Here some introduction ideas to kick things off:

Light Bondage

Light bondage is the easiest first step into the femdom world. Instead of the guy always tying up the girl, reverse it and let the female dominatrix tie up the guy. Some fun ideas you might not have tried is tying him to a chair and feed him whip cream. Have him lick it off you in whatever spots you desire. You can also have him give you oral while his hands are tied behind his back.

This is femdom and your deepest desires can come out! Try blindfolding him and instructing him verbally exactly what to do with his hands and mouth. If you use handcuffs leave them semi loose, it can be painful if to tight and cut off blood circulation to the hands. Always have the keys handy as well since you never know if he will want to stop. Or use some like shown below.

kinky handcuffs

I really enjoy the Bettie Page Handcuffs. They are seductive in style, and when you pull these out, your partner will grin knowing what’s coming up next. The metal ones are cold, rough, and remind me of police more than sexual desire. So, when your lover can’t keep their hands to themselves, these 100% leather femdom handcuffs will come in handy! Enhance your submissive fantasies!

silky bondage ropes

Teasing and seducing has never been this comfortable. These unique ropes stretch and flex to your every curve. Giving you slight mobility but not too much! Satisfying your partners every desire without them being itchy, uncomfortable, and having zero flex. Make every aspect of your femdom bondage experience more enjoyable.

silky bondage ropes

Take your femdom bondage to the next level. These silk bondage ropes are perfect for keeping your partner tied down, without being uncomfortable. Made from 100% silk, it will quickly replace cold, hard, steel handcuffs. It’s also much nicer than “homemade” cuffs. Build the anticipation while gracing your partners skin with these silk ropes. Make your partner watch as you slowly tie each and every knot!

Take Charge of His Orgasms:

This is a great tease for any female dominatrix to try. Its called “edge play” and it is designed for the male to tell the femdom just before he is about to cum so she can deny him his orgasm. Make him work for that orgasm. Let him get turned on then leave him for a bit to relax before turning him on again. There are a million ways to tease your partner so get creative.

Tell him that he is not allowed his orgasm until he earns it, that he must service you first and ask for permission if he wishes to cum. Mold him and turn him into putty in your hands denying him his orgasm until he just can’t take it any longer.

Chastity devices can be used in more experienced female dominatrix and submissive males. They can be expensive, bulky, and awkward so I do not recommend new femdom couples to try it. Chastity belts can be something you take on after you are comfortable pushing the boundaries with simple sex toys and demanding talk.

Sex Toy Play

No female dominatrix is complete without her ultimate sex toy! Make sure to bring his favorite sex toy into bed to tease him and edge play with him. You don’t want to go straight for him inside of you, warm him up with his favorite sex toy.

If he doesn’t have a sex toy, it’s the perfect time to introduce it. There are a plenty of amazing male sex toys you can use, or even a cockring that will give you just as much pleasure as him.

Since your bossing him around, maybe you don’t want to tease him with a male sex toy but rather him use your favorite vibrator on you. This will get him turned on knowing he can’t touch you yet; but that you’re getting complete satisfaction from it.

Make Sure To Check out the 23 Best Femdom Toys Available!

Best Femdom Male Sex Toys

Tenga Flip Hole White:

Tenga Flip Hole White; Male sex toy

Pull out the Tenga Flip Hole, it’s a male masturbation sleeve. You can lube it up and slide it over his shaft. The material is buttery soft and extremely pleasurable. Tease him as you glide it up and down his shaft. Use the side button controls to apply pressure and reduce pressure before he climaxes. It’s the sexiest tease he could ever imagine!

Ro-Zen:

Ro-Zen, vibrating butt plug

This vibrating butt plug will encompass his scrotum and shaft with constricting silicone rings! Every time he thrusts into his partner the silicone ring around his shaft will pull the plug into his prostate. Leading to life-changing full body prostate orgasms. Not only this, it keeps him harder for longer, due to the constriction around his genitals.

 Best Femdom Female Sex Toys:

Doxy Massager:

Doxy Massager, Powerful Vibrator

Sending her over the edge has never been so easy. This is the most powerful wand I’ve ever experienced. Tie her or him up and use the penetrating vibes from the Doxy Massager to pleasure them. Great for clitoral stimulation and tip of the shaft stimulation. Change your femdom ideas up and add the Doxy!

Fin Dame Products:

Fin Dame Products, Fin, Dame Products

The Fin is a small discreet vibrator either of you can slip over your fingers and add a massive boost of pleasure to your femdom play. It’s best when used for clitoral stimulation. It’s so small, it allows for any and ever sex position and it still comfortably fits between you two. 70% of women require some form of clitoral stimulation in order to climax. So why not bring it from the touch of your finger with shockingly pleasurable vibrations!

Femdom Impact Play:

Weather you prefer the old-fashioned hand spanking, nothing can compare to using a long-tailed flogger or paddle. Pretend he has been a “bad boy” and he needs a punishing. Find a paddle or whip that produces more bark than bite to start. It will be fun and sound intimidating yet not uncomfortable for him.

            -The Sex Crop

sex crop

The sex crop is a form of whip that is sleek and sexy. Its long and slim with small leather paddle on the end of it. Bend him or her over and show them what erotic spanking is all about! Its naughty and is the perfect accessory to add to your “kit of pleasure”. This quality sex crop is made from leather, a black nylon shaft, metal accents, and a rubbery handle for grip.

            -Suede Whip

Sensua Suede Whip Black Box, sex toys for lesbians

No femdom experience is complete without a beautiful and seductive whip! This desirable accessory is for any couple looking to heat things up. This whip is made from high-quality supple sheepskin suede with a beautifully crafted acrylic and metal handle. Seduce your partner or surprise them with running the dangling suede along their body before snapping it on their butt!

              -Spanking Paddle

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Want a sturdy and sexy paddle to spank your partner with?! This handmade paddle hints at mysterious nights with ridged consequences. The ultimate tool for any femdom master, that brings long nights of submission and passion. I prefer soft taps for the pure sensations and anticipation, but if your partner is into it, let them have the full experience!

Femdom Sensory Play:

-Blindfold

sex blindfold

Nothing is sexier than trying to anticipate what’s coming next! Take your femdom foreplay to a entirely new level. Use this silky-smooth black blindfold, for the ultimate comfort. It will completely immerse your partner in darkness and has a cut out to conform around the nose. Put the blindfold on them and caress, kiss, lick, and tease until your hearts content.

-Feather

tantra feather

Provide a unique, fun, and pleasurable sensation like nothing else. Check out these tantra feathers for your femdom foreplay. Providing a perfect way to titillate and tease your way to ecstasy. Made from light feathers with a extremely durable handle. Its sleek, sexy, and screams naughty things are about to happen. Add some light bondage ropes to really heighten the femdom experience. Sometimes the slightest touch can cause the most intense sensations.

-Pinwheel

sex pinwheel

Tease everyone of your senses with this femdom tool. This metal pinwheel will have chills running up and down your submissive partner. Gently roll over your blindfolded partner and let them experience the tiny prickly sensations. Use it closer to sensitive areas to really drive them wild. 7 rows of spikes will take your femdom foreplay to the next level!

Role play Femdom

Try a little role playing as femdom. Maybe you’re teacher with a naughty student? Detention is in session… show him you mean business with that ruler and pencil skirt. Make your student complete every task you demand of him. You will be making his dream come true, and you can have a lot of fun with it too!

Another idea is the boss and report. This one is all about business and making him earn that promotion. Femdoms love this one because it allows a total power reversal and use some props that might be around in his work or office setting. This will really help turn his fantasy into a reality.

The last idea is cop and robber. You’re the cop and caught him in the act of being naughty. Dress as a sexy cop, or normal clothes is fine, just requires a little more imagination is all. Pull out those trusty handcuffs and make him earn his freedom!

Final Thoughts

        Remember that this is a very tough situation to start. It is not something to spring on a man or expect a woman to do. The femdom fantasy needs to be discussed ahead of time and mutual by both participants. Being a submissive can have an impact on the emotional state and psyche of any guy. Be open and honest with your partner so you both feel comfortable.

Have fun with it and make light of the situation, if you feel goofy at first its okay! Even as a femdom if you crack a smile or laugh it’s okay, it doesn’t all have to be about seriousness to start, that can be something you work your way into as you both become more familiar with it.

Make Sure To Check out the 23 Best Femdom Toys Available!

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